found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
