I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dear god my vagina.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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