also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
