I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
