After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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