Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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