Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
