I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
