is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
