I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
