she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize