Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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