I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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