seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
