i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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