My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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