Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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