at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
