Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
