I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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