so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
