I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
