my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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