theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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