i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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