I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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