Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
