3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize