There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
