Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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