dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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