So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
