wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
