Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize