I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
