its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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