Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
