And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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