I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
