i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
