making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
