She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
