Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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