Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
