True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
