im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
