she was so not down for the gang bang
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
