I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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