foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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