im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
