I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I understand Curling. That high.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
