she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
