Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
