so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
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Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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