My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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