Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again