Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  We're like a lot better than the average bears

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  (312): We're like a lot better than the average bears http://tfl.nu/6x8n
  Replies (1) Good night (1517) Bad night (654)
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  (408): View more from California

  and pubic hair rears its ugly head again

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  (408): and pubic hair rears its ugly head again http://tfl.nu/ouhf
  Replies (72) Good night (663) Bad night (3426)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...

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  (631): I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms... http://tfl.nu/vz7o
  Replies (27) Good night (1796) Bad night (2385)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night

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  (203): I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night http://tfl.nu/hkfs
  Replies (43) Good night (10227) Bad night (3132)
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  (760): View more from California

  so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?

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  (760): so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost? http://tfl.nu/osjc
  Replies (21) Good night (3022) Bad night (6969)
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  (619): View more from California

  He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.

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  (619): He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy. http://tfl.nu/8ucs
  Replies (14) Good night (1182) Bad night (5242)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same

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  (203): so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same http://tfl.nu/kiu0
  Replies (19) Good night (6150) Bad night (1038)
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  (951): View more from California

  My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now

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  (951): My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now http://tfl.nu/leuk
  Replies (13) Good night (4504) Bad night (1603)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?

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  (678): Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting? http://tfl.nu/j29m
  Replies (11) Good night (2360) Bad night (640)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.

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  (347): Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal. http://tfl.nu/seq0
  Replies (6) Good night (1368) Bad night (512)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.

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  (520): I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me. http://tfl.nu/h8vm
  Replies (5) Good night (2031) Bad night (634)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.

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  (410): The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager. http://tfl.nu/3fqc
  Replies (8) Good night (716) Bad night (1932)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.

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  (631): I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning. http://tfl.nu/7540
  Replies (4) Good night (1126) Bad night (462)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.

  (585): View more from New York

  If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.

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  (716): Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way. (585): If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this. http://tfl.nu/htqs
  Replies (0) Good night (583) Bad night (240)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?

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  (814): Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade? http://tfl.nu/q9y9
  Replies (3) Good night (220) Bad night (466)

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