you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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