it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.