I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"