Texts From Last Night

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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.

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  (479): I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight. http://tfl.nu/07n7
  Replies (27) Good night (5286) Bad night (1153)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.

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  (720): ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick. http://tfl.nu/3jab
  Replies (16) Good night (1252) Bad night (3209)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"

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  (724): she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it" http://tfl.nu/sq67
  Replies (9) Good night (5843) Bad night (1386)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.

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  (231): you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob. http://tfl.nu/xbl2
  Replies (25) Good night (9789) Bad night (1195)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...

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  (978): FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong... http://tfl.nu/4k47
  Replies (7) Good night (4077) Bad night (1035)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.

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  (606): I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well. http://tfl.nu/cs63
  Replies (5) Good night (977) Bad night (1609)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow

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  (207): Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow http://tfl.nu/s6a2
  Replies (2) Good night (814) Bad night (519)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.

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  (775): Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture. http://tfl.nu/1sw6
  Replies (0) Good night (657) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.

  (206): View more from Washington

  That would've been embarrassing.

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  (419): Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night. (206): That would've been embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/nb0e
  Replies (7) Good night (1267) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.

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  (720): Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up. http://tfl.nu/96a6
  Replies (8) Good night (1795) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina

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  (561): Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina http://tfl.nu/9ymq
  Replies (11) Good night (599) Bad night (914)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?

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  (501): Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site? http://tfl.nu/wzkj
  Replies (47) Good night (1180) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest

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  (201): I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest http://tfl.nu/yr20
  Replies (0) Good night (437) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going

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  (626): I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going http://tfl.nu/kgzn
  Replies (3) Good night (824) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  ...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.

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  (925): ...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What. http://tfl.nu/pnd5
  Replies (1) Good night (727) Bad night (289)

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