Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u

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(734): I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u http://tfl.nu/md4z

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

No...more like a life jacket.

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(603): Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet? (1-603): No...more like a life jacket. http://tfl.nu/4uwt

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.

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(608): i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross. http://tfl.nu/qmd2

Replies (19) Good night (501) Bad night (2795)
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(352): View more from Florida

dude they were twins that means they were both only 17

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(352): dude they were twins that means they were both only 17 http://tfl.nu/sodj

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(716): View more from New York

I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me

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(716): I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me http://tfl.nu/kh9w

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(317): View more from Indiana

update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.

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(317): update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good. http://tfl.nu/p2ef

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(352): View more from Florida

... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.

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(352): ... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea. http://tfl.nu/mdap

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(207): View more from Maine

well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?

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(207): well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work? http://tfl.nu/5z5c

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(815): View more from Illinois

Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.

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(815): Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool. http://tfl.nu/9aum

Replies (12) Good night (3020) Bad night (901)
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(514): View more from Quebec

bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.

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(514): bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister. http://tfl.nu/visn

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(512): View more from Texas

I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.

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(512): I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25. http://tfl.nu/95s1

Replies (7) Good night (769) Bad night (1442)
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(210): View more from Texas

Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.

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(210): Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie. http://tfl.nu/l6yr

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(435): View more from Utah

When did we convert life to cartoon?

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(435): When did we convert life to cartoon? http://tfl.nu/wmk0

Replies (3) Good night (601) Bad night (273) Order T-Shirt
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(561): View more from Florida

You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...

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(561): You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day... http://tfl.nu/6lgs

Replies (20) Good night (4012) Bad night (407)
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(805): View more from California

Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"

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(805): Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out" http://tfl.nu/3yx5

Replies (7) Good night (465) Bad night (945)

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