i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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