Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it