Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
