I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
