Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?