Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection

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  (206): Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection http://tfl.nu/mgca
  Replies (21) Good night (2705) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet

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  (845): My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet http://tfl.nu/jo6v
  Replies (29) Good night (1056) Bad night (3804)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.

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  (802): He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR. http://tfl.nu/1otj
  Replies (40) Good night (4206) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.

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  (315): He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out. http://tfl.nu/k9ox
  Replies (18) Good night (5211) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.

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  (864): Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume. http://tfl.nu/gbul
  Replies (53) Good night (1472) Bad night (5774)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.

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  (301): he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself. http://tfl.nu/68qu
  Replies (13) Good night (4517) Bad night (1186)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"

  (206): View more from Washington

  do it. it's every man's dream.

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  (425): i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?" (206): do it. it's every man's dream. http://tfl.nu/a31t
  Replies (28) Good night (7231) Bad night (935)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye

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  (516): I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye http://tfl.nu/uiop
  Replies (8) Good night (1038) Bad night (3986)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic

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  (859): I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic http://tfl.nu/wb2m
  Replies (7) Good night (1131) Bad night (2118)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.

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  (+61): Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke. http://tfl.nu/ckis
  Replies (2) Good night (815) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.

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  (807): It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time. http://tfl.nu/tzie
  Replies (5) Good night (2264) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.

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  (847): Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos. http://tfl.nu/unc3
  Replies (16) Good night (1870) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Tiny.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.

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  (402): Tiny. (402): I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed. http://tfl.nu/6vga
  Replies (8) Good night (1546) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone

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  (805): not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone http://tfl.nu/iull
  Replies (1) Good night (772) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.

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  (202): Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now. http://tfl.nu/7dy9
  Replies (2) Good night (860) Bad night (330)

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