She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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