it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
