My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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