Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
