saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
