proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
