thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
