Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
