On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
