Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
