im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
