sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
