Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
