the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
