the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
