Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
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12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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