im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
