I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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