I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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